Dumbest Criminal Gets Dose of His Own Medicine

We often get asked, “What’s the WORST mess you’ve ever had to clean up?” and “What’s the most HORRIBLE crime scene you’ve ever remediated?” That got me thinking, and it occurred to me that no one has ever asked me about the FUNNIEST job I’ve ever been hired to do.

Believe it or not, although very rarely, a job we are hired to do has a little humor, albeit a bit dark, to it – and, of course, a happy outcome for the innocent.

With our client’s full blessings and permission, here is one of those rare stories in crime-scene cleanup that sounds like a dumbest criminals version of slapstick comedy but which actually happened.

Our client Peter lives in the beautiful and quaint mountain town of Asheville, North Carolina, where violent crime happens mostly on TV, not among his upper-crust Asheville acquaintances and certainly not in his immediate environment. Peter came home early from work one beautiful fall day and decided to do some work in the attic of the very large, beautiful home he shared with his wife. He was carefully stepping only on the beams as he moved across the attic, but, as luck would have it, he lost his footing and crashed right through the 14-foot ceiling of the master bedroom, taking insulation, ceiling material, and splintered wood with him.

He startled a construction worker, who was busy stealing jewelry from Peter’s wife’s jewelry chest.

As Peter recovered from the shock of the fall and now the shock of this discovery, rage quickly replaced that shock, and he lunged at the thief, who pulled a gun and shot Peter, but Peter was able to activate his home alarm system with a key-chain fob.

Less Thought – More Action

When the alarm sounded, the thief ordered Peter to disarm the system, but Peter was unconscious. The thief panicked and bolted for the French doors in the master bedroom, tearing them open, and plunging to his death on the cement patio 70 feet below, leaving quite a mess on the patio and in the small pond in the corner of the patio, which quickly filled with draining blood.

Peter had hired a contractor to replace the balcony onto which the French doors opened, and the structure had just been torn down but not rebuilt yet.

The gun-wielding thief who fell to his death was the contractor, who didn’t realize that these French doors led to the balcony and staircase he had just demolished.

Heavy Duty Cleaning

A fall from a great height like this creates a messy and bio-hazardous death or injury scene, full of blood and tissue, especially brain matter if the head makes impact, which it usually does. The patio was Peter’s biggest concern, of course, because of the possibility of blood-borne pathogens and other health risks associated with a death scene where body fluids and tissue are present.

In this case, we were dealing with a large cement patio, and cement is porous. It absorbs and holds moisture and pathogens present in that moisture, and it requires pressurized cleaning after decontamination.

We were able to completely remove all blood and tissue from the entire patio, decontaminate the area, and remove any discoloration caused by the blood. We were also able to thoroughly clean Peter’s blood from the bedroom carpet and padding underneath. Peter was anxious to spare his wife the trauma of seeing the mess, and we were able to respond and have a cleaning team on the site less than 12 hours later. We got there before investigators released the scene, just as they were finishing up their work, which involved determining whether or not the victim was pushed or accidentally fell to his death. We learned later that the homeowner’s jewelry spilling out of the victim’s pockets and the gun with his fingerprints all over it lying next to his body pretty much answered those questions without much further work.

Because we responded so quickly, damage to Peter’s home was minimized as were any bio-hazard risks.

None of the carpet, padding, or sub-flooring in the master bedroom had to be replaced, and none of the cement in the patio area was permanently discolored or damaged. The good news for Peter is that we were able to help him make a claim on his homeowner insurance, which covered most of the cleanup cost.

We hope you never have to defend yourself against a crime-in-progress in your home, but if you do, please call Advanced Bio Treatment to help you restore your environment to the safe and beautiful place it was before the intrusion.